A prayer when wondering if there is more to life and faith than this…
God, there must be more than this, right?
I can remember when the days were days,
And the weeks were weeks, one after another,
And the months and years were months and years;
Times that passed slowly,
Slow enough to plan, and anticipate, and savor,
But now they blend into one long passing life.
And here I find myself at the mercy of time,
Knowing my life is but a vapor,
Feeling my one chance slowly slipping away
And wanting so much more than this;
Not for my sake, or so I suppose,
But for the sake of your Kingdom.
I know well the parable of the talents,
And not wanting to be the last servant,
I have spent my gifts in service to you,
Always seeking to earn out my reward,
To find myself before you to hear,
“Well done, good and faithful servant.”
It is these words I have sought,
But God, I now know it is the words I seek
And not the speaker.
I desire the affirmation,
Not the acceptance.
You promise that in Your presence is the fullness of joy,
And it is this joy I lack, because it’s Your presence I avoid.
I would rather study You than know You,
Or serve You than be in Your presence.
This, my God, is my sin.
You bid me come and join You,
To remain in You as a branch in a vine.
I will go to You, the Great Satisfier of my soul,
That I may have the joy You have promised,
And You may have the glory You deserve.