There Must Be More Than This

Published on January 7, 2010 by CT in Blog, Prayers

5

There Must Be More Than This

A prayer when wondering if there is more to life and faith than this…

God, there must be more than this, right?

I can remember when the days were days,
And the weeks were weeks, one after another,
And the months and years were months and years;
Times that passed slowly,
Slow enough to plan, and anticipate, and savor,
But now they blend into one long passing life.

And here I find myself at the mercy of time,
Knowing my life is but a vapor,
Feeling my one chance slowly slipping away
And wanting so much more than this;
Not for my sake, or so I suppose,
But for the sake of your Kingdom.

I know well the parable of the talents,
And not wanting to be the last servant,
I have spent my gifts in service to you,
Always seeking to earn out my reward,
To find myself before you to hear,
“Well done, good and faithful servant.”

It is these words I have sought,
But God, I now know it is the words I seek
And not the speaker.
I desire the affirmation,
Not the acceptance.
You promise that in Your presence is the fullness of joy,
And it is this joy I lack, because it’s Your presence I avoid.
I would rather study You than know You,
Or serve You than be in Your presence.
This, my God, is my sin.

You bid me come and join You,
To remain in You as a branch in a vine.
I will go to You, the Great Satisfier of my soul,
That I may have the joy You have promised,
And You may have the glory You deserve.

  • http://wordsofeternallife.org Mike

    I think this is an excellent poem because it expresses a feeling I can identify with. That feeling of the spirit being willing but the flesh weak, and of being a wretched man who seldom uses to the full this life God has given me.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/Chris_Tomlinson Chris_Tomlinson

      Hey Mike, I'm glad you were able to identify with it. It is such a tremendous struggle for me, and it's a saddening feeling but also one with hope. I keep finding much of a life with God is paradoxical, and finding hope in this kind of despair fits the model =).

  • http://www.markruns.tumblr.com Mark

    Thanks,
    I needed that.

  • Elizabeth

    I think it was CS Lewis (but I'm not sure) who pointed out that our very desire and expectation that there should be more is evidence that there is more.

  • Kai

    Wow! Powerful! and I have prayed this too, to be exact. I have advance cancer currently in remission (answered prayer) and after a life of screwing off.. I prayed for "more time, so I could study you " i.e. read the bible/study it in full, then apply and do God's will here on earth." —-more time here rather than to die and be in his presence. hmmm. do i think i need to earn the gift?… or would i be shamed to die in this mostly selfish, worldly life i have lived and wish rather to redeem it before i depart?? Big questions, not sure the answer. Thanks for giving me new perspective on this issue. God bless.